almost for 10 days...i could feel that the people around me are suffering....the reason is...iam blabbering, rattling, ranting, what not?.....thats basically due to the eccentric thoughts inside me...iam being very careful in using the word "eccentric"...because it may sound odd....is this word related to psycho...thats what my uncle said on the other day...but i feel every human being is eccentric in someway or the other....sometimes....and so iam...iam trying to figure out the reason for this...partly succeded.....the reason is "ripples"....they are widening and they never rest..they are CONTINUOS....non-stop.....iam pulling all that inside me to bring back peace.....not able to...may be due to things thats happening around me....iam not the reason for the ripples...its somebody else throwing stones...my defending failed..after all iam yet another human being...(ordinary person with ordinary thoughts and emotions)...."hope" is the tonic which iam taking right now...it reacts for sometime....i could see that iam loosing control....but helpless....
iam searching for the one which will bring back PEACE......
iam trying to accept me as what iam and not as what i dream to be....an ordinary person and not a superman...
iam trying to accept the fact that people who are really close will leave us one day....nothing stays.....
all the building will collapse one day
iam trying to make me realise that "life is still beautiful"...and its better...may be not the best in the world...but its still better
iam trying to smile inspite of these .....
life is all about balancing...everybody does it and so me...

Atlast...reached a stage in my life where its "Me Vs My life" (copyright @ a fellow blogger)........
things are happening...something somewhere somehow says in someway that this is the time to take risks....huv much iam prepared...i really do not know....the thoughts are really eccentric...they go up and suddenly come down...never stay in-between...

1. career -
offer on hand
the current job is comfortable because
the BEST bosses
very pleasant and friendly environment
zero pressure
freedom to do things
i can be what iam...need not prove me
(i would say more comfortable except for the below mentioned reasons)
staying alone
missing parents/friends/more than everything my sis
expenses
career growth
traveling to & fro every weekend (it is having its own effect on health)
what this offer promises
career growth
back to home
financial comfort
what iam afraid of
all the above comforts iam enjoying currently.

2. Land
time to do it
but
cant completely rely on the persons involved
Vitamin M
financial commitments after that

3. For Me
getting clarity
clarity
practical thinking
not possible
saying good bye soon
iam suffering
bondage...very hard to break
more attached on these lonely days
very hard to accept or digest
unable to accept the fact that iam reaching the end of the road with this relationship
but still.....
as i said earlier....thats huv things are happening...i have nothing to do except to sit and watch...risks involved....but the results are not in my hands.....driven by what and whom...god only knows....May God bless me...please............thanks