If you are kind, people may accuse you of being selfish, and having ulterior motives;
:
Be kind anyway....

It was a terrific yesterday....
there are very many things happening in my life offlate.
Each one of these are important and might twist my life altogether..
all are in most of the cases unique (not connected) and in some cases connected in depth
relationships - blood related, distant
friendships - emotionally bound, casual
abt me - my character & attitude - inside and outside
career - to move or not to
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Early in the morning, had a very bad dream...i could remember a glimpse of it..as usual it was a discussion/bashing session with uncles....later my roommates told me that i was shouting on top of my voice while asleep....using almost all the bad lwords in english & tamil..
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today brought some clarity on the "emotionally bound friendships"... conversation which lasted hours together....finally....it concluded in a way that i am going to be all alone...why it came and why it is leaving?? honestly i dont know...people need me and they dont need me too..its very difficult to gauge anything frankly...life's beautiful sometimes....its a stage and iam performing...it started and so naturally it is proceeding towards the end...iam praying to god not to start it again...
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Am I selfish? thats the question inside me which could have triggered the bad dream
...knowing me...its tough without a mentor...do i have to be happy...or do i have to be in depression....trying to take things as they come...."being me" is very difficult...without actually knowing who i am....sometimes i wonder if my thoughts are going to eat me (with salt and pepper)..
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the ripples are widening

BHAGAWAT GITA 6.6 ~ :

bandhur atmatmanas tasya
yenatmaivatmana jitah
anatmanas tu satrutve
vartetatmaiva satru-vat

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{For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his very mind will be the greatest enemy.}

You are remembered for the rules you break.
Douglas MacArthur

It was not just another day...
all started at 11
first round - int - 25% confident - performance to my knowledge was not OK.
cleared
second round - w t - 50% confident - performance satisfactory.
cleared
third round - int -75% confident - satisfactory
cleared
Final round - int - 99.9% confident - performance good
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cleared but not offered ......for some silly reasons....

the end @7
its not the failure that matters. the meter started at 25%. But the 99.9% that was hit for a six which i find very difficult to regain...thats the problem with "hoping"....iam pulling the almighty, all my mighty, friends, inspirers and everyone possible into the scene to pull me up...trying to find hope in each and every move...like sms'es from friends...under ordinary circumstances i wonder if i would have given this importance to those forwarded msgs....
black------------white
bright-----------dark
right------------wrong
optimism--------pessimism
yes------------no
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as always, the choices are readily available....
to choose is an art
and blah.blah.blah.blah.