Optimism & Pessimism...is that a way of life...differs from person to person...in that way i ignore people tagging me a pessimist...who cares...
mmm...until last week i was in peace...
New job..new environment..new people...learning new things...good...a brand new day..everyday...except for one thing...again "new people phobia"..i know i suffer due to this...i take hell a lot of time to mix with new people..the only consoling fact is that i finally end up finding few very good friends...i do not know if i will achieve that here...even if iam not,,iam still happy with the friends ive already got...wat else i need...
this week...mind is like a junction...different tracks...one over the other...not clear which one to take...and so iam trying to stop my engine somewhere till i get a clarity...the job sucks because of one person's attitude..he is trying to show he is a good teacher..honestly he is not..its just another way of showing off...its also called as "bhajanai"..he is good in doing that...it was really tough, yesterday..at one point of time i felt iam going to loose my patience...but thank god, i managed not to...i hope things will become ok on the days to come....
the second thing is about the old relationship...its difficult to explain what iam feeling right now...my thoughts are jumping between two extremes...& its very difficult to come out...i expect a call every second..i want to speak..iam angry that iam never getting that call...(the expectations that iam expected to expect in a relationship)... iam trying to tell myself that this is how this has to end...after so much of waiting, i called...but no response...iam trying to tell these things again & again to my mind...after so much of waiting, i get a call...i speak for a very short time and the line got disconnected...my mobile rings again,,,but i do not want to pick the call...i expect that the same pain ive undergone, shud be felt by the other person too...but i also think why it should happen...after so much of ringing, my phone is in rest now, i tell myself that this has to end....but the fate is that this is not coming to an end...and ultimately my mind is restless...i have learnt this lesson already...and i have been very cautious in the beginning...but still things dragged me into it, things got clarified, things got confused again, and now its moving towards the end..and iam undergoing it again..its paining sometimes..more to learn from life i suppose...