Further thinking revealed only one thing.....that my life's necessities are very simple.....all i need now is......

A shoulder to cry
A lap to lie
a pair of hands to touch my head
a few words to soothe my mind...


I dont remember the last time I got all this or atleast any one of this...life is taking me somewhere...but iam sure my thinking and the things happening really are in two different directions...if people say iam in a deep depressed state of mind...i dont have any issues...after enough search thats the word they have found to relate my state of mind...but i feel its different.....its not depression....its different for which i couldnt find a word and i do not wish to...i dont want to worry about linking my way of thinking to a particular word... i dont want to classify it under any heading...let it be as it is...undefined.....a blankness i feel very often...by the end of the day when u have no where to go....u feel u r deserted....well i feel deserted....its on a broader perspective....if i get all this i wanted..right away....i dont think iam going to finish with this...i keep expecting....but this is the need of the hour...a soul which can really touch me inside...very deep....very very deep......a soul...a soul....a touch..a simple touch.....which in a fraction of a second can do wonders...which would say to my inner mind "shut-up" in a commanding way.....where is that soul......where is that lap....i want to lie....i want to cry....i want to stop thinking over and over, again and again....i want to give my mind the peace it deserves.....enough thinking it has done....Oh my god....my good god all small things.....i dont want to lie to you that "kurai ondrum illay, marai murthy kanna"....iam missing this terribly my dear god...iam tired of this load iam carrying....my commitments have become more mechanical....why do i carry this even if my "necessities" are not met...i have a "kurai"....iam missing...show me that.....even if that soul is a beggar or diseased or whatever...i dont mind....i dont care abt this damn world.....all i need is a soul and a lap and a pair of hands.....a touch......if thats what iam going get before death.....i dont mind dying now..........................................................