"Naan thooki valartha thuyaram nee"............Huv many am I carrying??

Have you ever seen the heaven??......I saw it yesterday...After finishing the scheduled tasks,

1. Painting – thanks to AK for bringing out the great artist in me. She was the person who was continuously asking me to paint. Yesterday at last I decided to paint. It was a very nice and relaxing experience. After painting the cot with Smoke grey paint,
2. Bathed my vehicle. After applying the shining liquid, I could see the vehicle really shining.

As usual, the wind blow was very heavy. Was in a dilemma, if or not to go to V. But decided and started at around 2.00pm. The Sunday was a real “Sun”day. But since there was wind blowing, I couldn’t felt the heat. While entering V, I could feel the cold breeze. I wonder huv all of a sudden, the climate could change. Sun trying to hide itself behind the clouds. Had a very nice time there with V. We went to the farm. While he was supervising the people who were ploughing the field, we sat near the banana farm and chatted there for almost half an hour. Then we went to cauvery. Had a nice bath. Chatted there for ½ an hour. Spent 1/2 hour in thennai thopu. Came home. Had tiffen and a very nice coffee. Was watching a movie in the sun TV. The movie was ok. But we had enough other things to talk. Around 6 started from there. The evening sun was nice to watch. So I was in heaven for more than three hours. Clean road, me alone in my vehicle, surrounded by nature, only the evening sun and me, even he was trying to hide himself behind the clouds…So i am in heaven…What else I need in life….So this is what the great paramathma wanted me to experience. Thank u so much my dear god….

No home this week....feeling very much irritated..kind of an itch in my mind...trying hard to come out of it...eventhough i have a list of tasks for tommorrow, crossing this saturday to sunday is bit difficult....i am feeling like a child going to school in the morning.. may be after sometime i will become alright..upon realising that nothing much i can do to change this situation....am i a child...dont know...but always wanted to be...i hate this life of mine for a single reason..always missing something.....i have seen it...i always miss something...may be i expect something which is not in my reach...or nothing sticks with me...but why??.....sometimes i feel thats the way my life is designed....i had everything...i was not having something....in the process of searching that something....i have lost everything.....ohhh....comeon yar....thats not the way u should be now...as gita says....the past, present and future happens to be good always...all that is designed by paramathma....loneliness....what is the paramathma is going to do for my loneliness.....yes ofcourse...he wants me to be alone for a reason...if the reason is visible...then my search will no longer be interesting....there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....may be its farway or very nearby...till i reach the light i have no other option except to live with the darkness....as i continue my journey in the darkness.....every other human being in the world can have a nice weekend...especially P,S, MU.....u know iam missing u guys terriblyy..........

A nice one....

Shepherd vs Consultant

Shepherd vs Consultant

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a surveillance satellite system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response.

Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: " If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

"OK, why not." answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd.

"That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog."

To the lady whom i see everyday.....

The moment i saw u first, i was reminded of my mom. The way u walk, the way u talk , everything's similar to my mom's. whenever i see u, i wanted to love u. i wanted to care for u. u dont have teeth....but for me ur smile is the most beautiful i have ever seen. i dont know how...but u have made a great influence in me...u must be having ur own family...i dont know the reason why u r still wrking...u remind me of my mom...i have never spoke to u...but i love u so much.. i hate people who assign work to u which requires moving from floor to floor...but still.....if u r not moving..then huv can i see u...u resemble my mom...i want u to be very happy....i want u to keep smiling.....u seem to be very soft....very very innocent......u resemble my mom........i love u so much......

Yesterday, the wind was very heavy. Was sleeping outside. very tired, so slept well. had diner and was lying outside, starring at the lonely road. before that spoke to S. He was upset abt me not in chennai. then expressed his interest to meet me. then all those bla, bla.bla,.......then AK came outside and sat next to me. I wanted to sit alone...she started speaking something which iam not at interested...but simply listened...after sometime...M shouted at both of us because he felt we are disturbing S studying....and so AK stopped talking and went inside.....morning finished all duties as usual...while i was on the way to office...saw a film poster on a wall......
"Mohiniyin inba kolaigal".....oru doubt.....kolai seiyarathala mohiniku inbama.....illa sethu ponavanuku inbama.....karunai kolai kelvipatrukaen...athu enna inba kolai..i think sun tv should arrange for a debate on this topic prbably on independence day......

"My little Angel, will you teach me what love is?"

For all my friends and the unseen stranger...

"Thanks for making a difference in my life!"

this was the one which i was searching for a very long time...i could only remember the essence of it...now got it....felt like sharing...

"No Good Deed Goes Unrewarded"

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said..... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Year's later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words..... "Paid in full with one glass of milk"

Always be on the lookout to help someone. And expect that others will be kind.. Often expectations can create the energy of fulfillment

Thought to share....

"Happiness is very personal"

This is a true story. Some years ago the following exchange was broadcast on an Open University sociology TV program.

An interviewer was talking to production-line worker in a biscuit factory. The dialogue went like this:

Interviewer: How long have you worked here?

Production Lady: Since I left school - about 15 years

Interviewer: What do you do?

Production Lady: I take packets of biscuits off the conveyor belt and put them into cardboard boxes.

Interviewer: Have you always done the same job?

Production Lady: Yes.

Interviewer: Do you enjoy it?

Production Lady: Oooh Yes, it's great, everyone is so nice and friendly, we have a good laugh.

Interviewer (with a hint of disbelief): Really? Don't you find it a bit boring?

Production Lady: Oh no, sometimes they change the biscuits...

Moral - Don't assume that what motivates you is what motivate others. It is also important to recognize that sources of happiness may vary widely between people.

The thing which M should read...........:-]

Morning's very nice....did all the duties to thatha...washed clothes, had brkfst and started from home. the ride was as usual.kids on their way to school. saw a little girl who is handicapped. my heart felt for her.....koncham overa porayno....ippollam irakam pichikitu varuthu....saw a schoolbiy asking for a lift...naamathan manitharul manickamachay....dayala vallalachay...gave him a lift.....then when i was near my office...saw the words written in the outside wall of a church...."irakkam udaiyavargal aasirvathickap pattavargal, ivargal irakkam peruvargal"......hah..

Its evening now…its time to get relieved from my work prison…I will have to proceed to my Home prison. Thought of eating Pani puri todaty. If at all I see the person who had invented pani puri, I would thank him a million times. What a great stuff it is. Very spicy. I like it very much. Finished it and started to home. After two days leave, the wind has started blowing. Its very forceful…at times I feel very difficult to control my vehicle..reached home…while I was parking my vehicle near the maatu kottai, the kannukuti was moraichifying me….all the other kannukuties are good except this one. It is very playful…and whenever I try to take my vehicle, it plays with me..when I was entering the house, AK wanted me to go to UPPI to bring the flower for Pooja. So went to UPPI (it’s a small village 2 kms from here). Played with the kids for sometime. While I was returning, I could see the amman temple farawsy. Surrounded by coconut trees, with the light of few tubes, it looked wonderful. There are many temples which look really beautiful. Will have to write about them later. It was really dark outside. I could hear only the sound of my vehicle engine. Came back home. AK asked me to fill all the kudams with water. Did that. Had dinner. She was busy doing her work. Actually she is involved in cleaning the house for the past one week. S was wathching a movie in Star movies. CRIMPSON TIDE is the name of the movie. I watched the movie for sometime. M is not in station. If he would have been here, our late evenings will be spent in conversations/debates. As always, he wins in all the debates. The movie was very nice. I could understand nothing except few things. “If you want to become the boss, don’t try to kiss anyone’s ass”, “In the war between two nations, the enemy for a country is the war itself”. Not able to watch it fully. Will go to sleep early.

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them with our own image - otherwise,we will end up loving only the reflection of ourselves we find in them" - great.....this is what i told M while he was irritating me on the other day. if i become intelligent like, think like him, act like him....then i will become his clone....if in this world he changes everyone....then he will see only his clones all around him...living with people with different thoughts altogether makes life happier and makes it worth living...thats the spice of life..

"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy" . wat a great thought. It is not only applicable for marriage life. ofcourse this mindset is very important to prove the world that after marriage you are still happy :). its very much needed for work-life. incompatibility - too much of it will also lead to troubles......experience speaks....

Got two interesting calls now....

1. from S - its been very long time since i last spoke to him. he is a very nice friend. really very nice. one of the few fans. had a brief talk with him since i was at office. will have to speak to him later. he was shocked to hear that iam not in chennai.

2. from P - she had a problem. today was a bad day for her. her immediate boss was irritating her for the whole day. so she is upset. wanted my advice. i was laughing inside because i myself have the same problem. ithay ava kitta sonna namma mariyathai enna agarathu? nammala pathi enna ninaipa? so spoke to her for sometime. in most of the cases people are not very keen in finding solutions. they want someone to share it. in this case it worked in both the ways. i let her talk. then gave expert (?) advice(whenever i see my face in the mirror, i could see a bright light glowing behind my head...i swear) ... after talking to her...thought abt the words which i wrote sometime back..............Please take my advice, i dont use them anyway....

Please take my ADVICE, i dont use them anyway" - read it sometime, somewhere....atleast i use these words whenever possible....

wherver i go.. i have this problem...mixingup with the people...always feel like, "ammanama alaiyara oorula, kovanam kattiyavan muttal"......naan ammana? kovanama? .....dont know

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde

which category i belong to....dont know....my home will think the secone one.....i dont know what my frnds think..anyway iam what iam...

For a change.....

The World`s most controversial music videos

Top Ten Videos That Broke The Rules:

1. Madonna - Like A Prayer (1989)
2. Britney Spears - Baby One More Time (1999)
3. Michael Jackson - Thriller (1983)
4. Madonna - Ray of Light (1998)
5. Madonna - Vogue (1988)
6. Michael & Janet Jackson - Scream (1995)
7. Robbie Williams - Rock DJ (2000)
8. Eric Prydz - Call On Me (2004)
9. Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity (1997)
10. Spice Girls - Wannabe (1996)

yet another day at office. those gypsies have come near our house. they are doing their work nearby. what a great opportunity to see their lifestyle very nearby...ok iam going to watch them. then....ask questions within myself..then...will feel pity for their children....then...would ask a question to me, as to why nobody is bothered to help them improve their life...then...speak to someone and show them i huv i care for the society..then...curse the government for keeping them like this...then...will write them here in my own space...then....then.....forget it...what the hell am i doing...how bad iam....by doing this what is that they are going to get.....mere thinking and pitying doesnt help in solving the problems....i know that...then....then..will think dear....

at times, i remember the lines from kandar sashti kavasam

"thathauva kuppaigalai en manadailirundu neekidu muruga"

great thought..isnt it?

All of a sudden, blankness. dont feel like working. i dont know why it is happening. if at all we have the liberty to go out if we dont feel like working, it will be very nice. i will fly away. wats there outside..nothing..where am i going to go...no where...thats blankness right, all along we need people around. naam ithuku thana yengarom...dont know..but people around is very important...that too friends..where are my friends. when iam out far away from my friends i can understand the pain undergone by 7. atleast i can see them in a overnight jrny. for her its very difficult.. but why is she not mailing...because iam a bad friend...i dont express anything..she expects a lot of expressions. i know this very well when she was here. and i dont want to change myself. why shoud i? thats me. she was all along trying to change me, but not for me. i dont want anyone to have an influence in my thoughts. the only blunder i did as far as my memory goes is the long talk i had with her one night.. that was clear stupidity i did. all the way long explaining abt me and my thinking. somtimes it happens....but at the time of her departure, i felt like missing a very nice friend.. she gave many good memories for me to remember always....really a very very good friend of mine....and iam missing her terribly......thats lost...my ego is preventing me to initiate a mail conversation...

Iam Happy today. got a good news which happened to be good because i thought it wouldnt happen. So well iam happy. wanted to shout. iam at office now so will not be able to do it. but anyway that was nice. when there is a problem, there is a solution. but the problem is there will be another problem from the solution..wah re wah..what a thinking. Spoke to home yesterday. mom picked up the phone. spoke to her for few mins. felt comfortable. i didnt have any plan to call home. upon pressure from P, i did that. but that made a difference.so i need to obey orders sometime. did nothing after that. in the morning met the old man. yesterday he met with an accident. had an head injury. but today morning, he is ready for work. for his age that is really great. have to learn a lot from him. the kind of coolness. ever smiling. duly responding to other person's qustions. the way he handled his family's financial crunch (they are in debt now). thats amazing. We the professional do not have a small percentage of this stuff.. lessons come from unexpected masters...our skill lies in identifying them.........pinnray pa...great

What a great day today…after a long time I am greeted with this kind of a day. Woke up in the morning. Bathed thatha. Thatha had a small request. Avaruku nagam vetti vidanumam. Koncham irritation vantahthu. But somehow managed to think doing it. When I was doing it, I could see great relief in thatha’s face. After a long time his nail is getting trimmed. Ennakum ullay oru periya satisfaction. Ithu mathiri etthanai old people irrupargal. They are damn in need of caring. Nammil ethanai peruku athai saiya vendum endru thondrum. After doing it, I got a great satisfaction in myself. Uthavi yaruku rumba thevaiyo avargaluku seiyumpothu manusku periya nimmathi kedaikirathu. Otherwise our helping tendency is shown only to the people whom we like the most or from whom we will gain some benefit. Then I took him and made him lie on his bed. Washed his clothes. Started to office. When I came outside the climate was really nice. After a long time iam seeing this climate outside. May be because iam happy. Took my vehicle and when I was riding it, I could feel the cold breeze. Koncham thooram ponavudan, I could see green land on both side. Small children were riding their cycle and going to school. They were going in groups and I could see them chatting and riding their cycle very slowly. Kannuku ettiya thooram varai green land. Farway I could see people working in the land. After some miles there were sugarcane farm on both the side of the road. The smell of the fresh sweet sugarcane could be felt in the breeze. Believe me, its not my imagination. School thandi pogumpothu, the road was lonely. There were people working on the side of the road. I have something to say abt these people. They are like caravans. Their duty is to dig the side of the road for laying telephone cables. All the family members work there. They build their tents near their work place. Even the childrens are working. I pity for those children. They move in groups. If we interview them, we may get the history of the places they have visited. All this for money. Just for food. Moonu velai sappatuk kaga evalavu kashtapadugirargal. But do we? Innum koncha thooram poonain. Huv beautiful is nature. I thanked god for presenting this wonderful day for me. I thanked him loudly. I literally shouted from by stomach. “Oh God….thank you so much”…That’s the freedom I have in the village. Can I ever imagine shouting like this in the city. Do we dare to do it? But atleast one in a while we will have to shout. That’s another way of reducing stress I believe. On my side a train was going….suddenly I shouted at the train that iam going to race with it. I am going to win the race. But the train was moving so very fast that it disappeared in few mins. There is some water going in the river. This water is very pure and it had already removed all the waste water. Its very nice to see water in the river. Oru kutti paiyan yanai mel savari saithan. He was standing down. Elephant was moving to and fro. I could see both the fear and happiness in the kutty’s face. And now have to work. There also I had a surprise today. My boss-1 is on leave today also. That’s great news to hear. But the sad news is that the internet is not working….thats Okay.

My dreams inspires me to live.

nothing....

after a long time, had a very nice time with friends. enjoyed the evening. fully boozed. missed two things.1. Mu didnt come 2. briyani for dinner. The dinner we had was not all good. felt like wamiting in the midngt. The jrny was neither good nor bad. as i was not in a correct state aftr the party, could not able to find any particular reason to say that the jrny was not good. i was a bit late. it was too late to get a bus at 11.00 pm. reached hme at 8.00 am which was too late. skipped breakfast. i dont want to have it bcasuse stomach was not in a good condition. nice time i had..enjoyed it a lot... feeling very tired today..could feel deep pain in the legs...need to take good rest...so will have to start a bit early from office..

great news. got a mobile. thats company mobile. there are two problems associated with this.1. they will disturb me anytime.2. hereafter i will have to carry/maintain two mobiles at a time. only happy thing abt it is that the company has provided me the mobile. AS i do not use trumpet this, i will have to happy within myself.

half a day spent with the family....very lengthy advisory session. i realised in the evening that iam doing too much. i shud defintly stop advicing my family members. they may feel boring. they are not expressing it. but oflate they may hate me coming home. i cant change anyone and they will never change. what i can do is try to find some ways to accept their way of life. that doesnt mean that i should change...atleast with them, i shud accept them as they are..what i want them to understand is i want them to be happy always.. all the suffereing has to end. if at this age i have the liberty or the option to live happily/peacefully, they have never been given that opptny. i want them to live peacefuly for the rest of their life. if they realise this, i think all these problems will come to an end. i can onyl pray to god that they shoud realise this and cooperate with me to create a comfort zone for them.

Iam back to office. not much work today. so was reading the blog of my favorite author. its like seeing myself in a mirror. so far i was thinking that iam the only person with these kind crap thinkig. after seeing her writings i felt i will not be the only person who will become mad. there will be some more mad people around. oflate i think why iam thinking. when did i start thinking in this way. iam sure that iam out of the crowd and i dont want to be in teh crowd. my thinking might not bring interest to anyone. people will try to stay out from me. iam alone, i dont want to be alone and sometimes i like being alone. not sure about the thing which i really want in life.all that remains by the end of the day is confusion. sometimes i think it in this way. well my family is not a wealthy family. all the souls depend on me. is it fair for me to wander my thoughts like this inspite of these commitments. when i think abt it, for sometime i could control them..but then after sometime it goes in its own direction. its the same way with my so called friends. S doesnt want to listen to any of my crap. he likes the attitude of R more than me... so coming back to the point....P likes me, but again he is not too very interested in my crap...Pa , Z were the people listened to it and believe me...i was the guruji for Pa...tried reaching her yester...but she had changed her mobile..so can get her number as soon as she speaks to me some other day...

weekend..........going to chennai......iam not eager to go home or meet my parents....the travelling is the thing which is attracting me...may be that gives a break frm the regular routine.. eventhough the journey is going to be tough and on mondays iam deadly tired...but still...

i really dont know if these guys will allow me to go now......oh god...i always have crazy bossess.:)

Detachment....that's one thing which i wanted to share for a very long time...i realise that i have an inner feeling of possessiveness (dont know huv many sssss)...i feel the one who is close to me should only be mine...is it this??????....no not exactly...its something like i want to be the only one who should be loved.......mmm not exactly..but may be... or like i should be the best and everyother shud be the rest...no.no.no....i expect somthing from everyone....when it comes to pouring love to the needed....i wanted to be the best.....i wanted to be liked for the love i pour...yes..thats more or less correct....where did possesivenss come here...dont know....but i have a inner feeling of that sort....the soluttion is being detached....want to put something abt the lady whom i see every day..thats next post

today...its one of the rough day for me..its not the work...but the behaviour of the poeple around is making me think "oh god...let this day shall end asap"...i really dont understand why people are so very concerned abt others..not in the positive way but totally on the negative way...i feel its basically what we call as indian mentality..if u cant grow..atleast try to pull the legs of other guys who are trying to grow..so that all can remind in the same level...i get a feeling to not to care abt others feelings...because oflate this is the lesson i have learned from my past three years experiences. i have giving importance to the emotions of the people who usually hurt. please the people who feel that they are superior than me..not to hurt the feelings of the people who bossed me. respected the people for their position who inturn treated me like a street dog....so i dont want to repeat the same thing here...i dont want to create any personal fiendship here..so that i will have the liberty to hurt the poeple who hurt my feelings..iam not bound by anything.. i have the freedome to exhibit my emotions...i dont want to take anymore.... i am going to fire....may be thats not the smart way to survive...but its one life. let me blast ... whatever may the consequences......let us put a full stop... cant bear more than this...

they all carry similar thoughts,,, so there are people who really care for others or atleast respect the feelings which is deep in their heart..

I have hell a lot of things to write....i neither get time nor i can put them in words..they are so much in plenty i cant remember....as i said earlier this blog is to document atleast some of my thoughts. the words may not be of very high calibre, its not that i dont want to write, i really dont have that very good knowldege in english (thats a kind of a feeling which is always there in my mind).. i admire people who are very good in writing...really...i dont know hov to improve my vocabulary..tried many things, but iam a very lazy guy so not able to proceed further. found some time to write today....

No where to go and nothing to do.....kind of a loneliness comes into my mind whwnever evening comes.....I feel i have no where to go...want to be alone but wanted to be in a crowd....may look like like confusing, but thats my state of mind. today, about to leave office, should have to go home, feel like to have a smoke, but after that i will have to go home, i dont know, but i dont feel that very comfortable. its not that the people at home r bad, they are very good, but i cant attach myself with the home.my home is somewhere far away, thats my own home, where i feel being at home. for that fact sometimes i feel iam not attached to anything. feel like an orphan. may be i feel pity for myself, but thats the fact.....iam alone and i feel lonely....this is the state which i anticipated before taking a decision. this is the state for which i have been eagerly waiting,,,,,but reality hurts..feel like going home....to my home...i dont have very strong relationships out there,, but the feeling is different.......waiting for saturday to come.. that day i will pack up my clothes go to my home...but mmmmm.....i will have return back in a days time...anyway let us face it on that day....

the old ones...i hate these guy, who really dont know nothing but pretend to know everthing...was going theough a blog where the topic of dicussion is abt a good husband and wife.. the blogger has quoted abt the manuneedhi...one of the has commented that those are craps...he neither have studied fully nor he knows abt it in full...he might be a very good guy in software ,, but that doesnt mean that he knows everything..some time back got a book from one of my friend which speaks about second hand thoughts.. the author goes very deep into the topic which i dont understand as usual...but the concept was really nice...didnt read much...but the book speaks about our thinking process... we humans are all along driven by forced thoughts of someone else...i bet nobody in this society now have thier own thought.. u join a college bacuse one of your friend suggested that its good....we speak everything which another guy at some point of time has said... we are very good in debating..but again all our views are influenced by other's thought... then the thoughts of the other person should be original...no it is not...he had learnt it from somebody else....thats may be bcause of the fact that the humans form groups and they live in society.....to live in a society, the thoughts shoudl be similar....so thinking in this way, all the like minded persons formed a group,, based on the situation we change groups....so all along our thoughts are not original... but we take full pride in our thoughts...thiking differently is different from difference in thinking....our people, to show that they are different, differ with others thinkig, thats like gaining popularity by opposing something...thats mere foolishness i would say....at some point of time those thoughts will be crushed by some one's feet...

Winds and weathercocks

more and more thinking.....all i have is a big question abt the career. Is there any future or a career. dont know. i do smoke and would like to hide from my uncle. i have been trying very hard to do that. yester.. in the evening...i was having a strong feeling for smoking...so went outside and had a smoke.. iam sure that people whom i know and the people who know me(iam not a popular personality---but people receognize me easily.still do not know the reason y? thats another topic on which iam thinking a lot) saw me there smoking..all of a sudden my heart beat increased bcase of the fear that these people may tell this to my uncle...or they might ask me emberassing questions to me at that spot.. but again i thought it in other way...wat will happen..if they ask me something i will tell them very clearly that this is my life.. but if at all it reaches my uncle's ear.. i may not be able to tell this to him..anyway....this smoking habit is like a sweet poison..cant hide the feeling...and cant remove the fear that it is poison.. i dont care abt my life atleast for now..if at all iam, then i would have stopped it much earlier..may be my only fear is the fear of getting caught in my uncle's hand..saw a news in the newspaper today..there was an article abt smoking... they have mentioned some contact details of the institutions which helps to come out of this habit...may be should try one of them...have cut it kept it sepeartely....did haricut today....should go for pant stiching in the evening

Why this blog......wanted to visualise my thoughts.....Why here.....i dont know, this seems to be a comfortable space to pour my feelings.....why now.....may be "now" is the word before the words "its too late"....am i special.....iam not special...i dont do anything special....my thoughts are very ordinary....but still i think a lot...a lottt.....i keep thinking abt something....iam dumping my brain with thoughts..... oflate realised that i should record them somewhere.....friends are very few and they not near me...i all alone....my thoughts will not be useful for anyone....for that fact they are neither usefule for me......but something is there........may be someday i may see that........why cipher...nullity...i believe that life is a big zero...basically its blank....we construct our own intersts on it...the cause of all our sufferings is that construction....being in blankness will help in seeing your soul..but thats not that very easy..trying to do that....lets see